Today it finally hit me - my pregnancy is over. And I'm a little sad. It's selfish really. But I miss the vulnerability of pregnancy. There was something quite wonderful about the protection and the affection that I received during those months. I allowed myself to take a seat and tire easily, to eat an extra cupcake and crave pastrami on rye. I allowed Chris to shield me from passing strangers in the subway. And, I was comfortable being the center of attention.
I also miss that unique connection that my little one and I shared during that time. Within, I would always know he was okay. But today he is so tiny and inhabits such a tiny piece of this world. And I realize that no matter how hard I try, I can never care for him that way again.
Don't get me wrong, I am thrilled he's here. But as I fold up my maternity clothes, and box up the BabyPlus and a shelf full of books for expecting parents, I can't help but feel a little blue.