Tuesday, June 29, 2010

not today

My brother-in-law died yesterday. He was a good man. An honest man. A man who brought Chris' sister much joy and comfort. And, it breaks my heart that she had to say goodbye to him so soon.

Death has hit a little too close to home this year. First with the untimely death of a dear friend and colleague and now with my brother-in-law's passing. And, I wonder how many more people who have touched my life will never meet my little man? How many times during Turtle's life will I have to say, "I wish you could have known..."

I think about myself and Chris, who's lives have so often intersected, even in the years before we met, and it still strikes me as odd that he never knew my Grandpa Pete. That he never sat in Popper's chair or drank Rock and Rye with Bubba Dosen. And it hurts to know that so many of the people I love will never hold Turtle in their arms. That my Uncle Billy didn't get to spread the "new news" of his arrival. That Berthie will never get to run her fingers through what I hope will be a head of curly black hair.

And my brother-in-law's passing is the first of many losses. I know that. I know that as Turtle grows, those around him will grow older. And death is inevitable. But today I choose to question God's plan. Today I wonder why he takes those he does, when he does. I choose to wonder why my little man will miss out on loving and learning from the people who have touched my life. Maybe tomorrow I'll be more comfortable with what is and what will naturally be. But not today. No, not today.

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