Book club is tonight and I'm not going. Again. I promised the girls I would be there, but it's just not happening. Two reasons: one emotional and one physiological. First the emotional- it's hard enough to be away from my guys during the day, to then be away from them all night - inconceivable. I know that will eventually change. It will have to change. But right now, I want to spend my nights at home. It's how I forgive myself for being away all day.
Then there's the physiological side of things. As my readers know I have completely failed in the pumping department, so the mere thought of putting my body through the hell of either an additional pumping session or to go an extra few hours without nursing - well let's just say, the pain of childbirth would pale in comparison.
So I've bailed. Again. Sorry girls. I love you.