Wednesday, September 29, 2010

the battle

It's a losing battle. The turtle's caloric needs are increasing and no matter what I do I can't keep up. It's my own fault. There were weeks at the start of the semester where pumping took a back seat. Between  appointments, meetings, and just staying on top of my day-to-day responsibilities I just couldn't find as much time as I needed. And now, I find that even when I'm home, we need to supplement just to ensure that the turtle is getting enough to eat.

I know I shouldn't be too hard on myself. There was a time when we wondered if I would be able to breast-feed at all. But after so much success during my maternity leave, the last few months have been a little deflating. I imagined myself coming home with a cooler full of milk every day, and the reality is I spend my free moments making just enough for a quarter feeding. Ugh!

But I won't give up. I'll continue my lunch-time pump sessions. I'll keep my own caloric intake high. I'll drink lots of mother's milk tea and add more fenugreek and almond milk to my morning smoothies. I'll keep my stress levels manageable. Practice yoga. Focus on the tasks at hand rather than over-anticipate the tasks ahead. I'll night-nurse. And, most importantly, I'll remember that as long as my boy is healthy and thriving - we're doing something right. And as my mother says..."Breathe." I can't forget to breathe.

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